The Howard Stern Show 5-21-2001 CF24K-SG mp3

-- Monday May 21, 2001 --
Various Stuff. 5/21/01. 6:05am
Howard said he stayed up late last night to watch ''The Sopranos'' season finale. He said it was ''riveting'' and that it was great writing. He talked about everything that happened on the show and said that the seeds for next season are planted. Gary said he was kind of disappointed with the show last night because the hype was that there was going to be some big ending and there wasn't one. Robin wasn't impressed with it either. She's been complaining about the show for weeks though. Howard told her that she's no longer allowed to watch it if that's the way she's going to be about the whole thing.
Comedian Craig Gass was sitting in again this morning. Howard said that Craig does warm up exercises to prepare for his impressions. He was doing Gilbert Gottfried and he just kept saying ''Yesh'' and ''Stop it! I can't handle it!'' over and over again. He did a little more for Howard after the break. Howard said he just sits there laughing at Craig the whole time. Howard said everyone loved the Gene Simmons impression he did last week. Howard said Craig had his pomposity down just right with the impression he did. He does the perfect impression and talks about wacky stuff that Gene would talk about if he were completely mental. ''Gene'' was back this morning rambling about the Kiss Army and the same wacky stuff he was talking about last week. Howard mentioned the make-up and how nothing was happening for KISS when they took it off. ''Gene'' said they did it for the fans, not for the money.

Howard talked about Liberace and how he used to wear a wig all the time. He read some article that said Liberace almost refused a face lift when the doctor asked him to take his hair piece off.

Howard said Crazy Cabbie has been calling him asking for the $5000 that Howard said he'd give him for the fight they had a couple of weeks back. Howard said he doesn'e even answer the phone when Cabbie calls. So he heard his phone ringing Friday night and he figured it was Cabbie. It turned out to be Jon Bon Jovi. Jon is afraid that they're going to have a rerun of their 1988 fight where Howard got pissed at the band for blowing off his show to do some lame stations in the city. Howard said his Program Director was pressuring the band to do Howard's show first and Jon didn't know what to do. Howard said he felt bad for Jon so he told him to do whatever he wants to do. Howard's station doesn't play much Bon Jovi so they don't need to promote their album on his show that bad. Howard said even after all of the conversations it turns out Bon Jovi isn't even coming on the show today like Howard thought they were.

Howard said he was out to dinner with Program Director Steve Kingston, and other people from the station, over the weekend and the guy started talking business. Howard said that drove him over the edge and he had to go home. He didn't want to hear about business when he's trying to have a nice dinner. Howard said everything Steve told him was stuff that he probably needed to know but it could have waited until today. Howard was so pissed about the whole thing that he ended up cursing and had to hit the delay on himself.

Steve ended up on the phone to explain himself. Steve didn't know what upset Howard but Howard didn't want to talk about what they were talking about. Steve did explain the Bon Jovi thing and said that he'll be in later this week. Howard also heard that one of the DJs on the station is seeking employment elsewhere. Afternoon DJ Will Pendarvis is looking for a job somewhere else. So now Cane and Crazy Cabbie may be moved to afternoons. That's not official yet though. Howard said he ran into Will on the street but he wasn't sure if he knew that he knew that he's leaving or if he should just keep quiet. Howard said he didn't say anything to Will but he could tell the guy was bummed out.

The party Howard had gone to was thrown by this DJ Booker's ''friend''. They had about 12 people there and Howard wasn't sure who was paying for all of these people. Howard said everyone was drinking like a fish. Howard thought that the fact that Booker is dating Jennifer Lopez's sister Linda was supposed to be some big secret. It turns out it's not a secret so they spent a short time talking about that. After the party Howard ended up going to the club Lot 61 where he ran across Alicia from ''Survivor 2''. He didn't spend much time talking about that though.

Stuttering John told Howard about a scene in the movie ''Shrek'' that he thought was kind of dark and funny. He can't tell a story very well so it wasn't all that dark and funny when he told it. Howard was afraid that John might ruin the movie by telling him a scene from it but the way the story was told is what may have ruined it.

Comedian Dave Chappelle came in this morning to just hang out. Howard ended up telling him a story about going to see his daughter do an African Dance thing. Howard went and actually participated in it for a couple of minutes. Howard said there were people dressed up in the full African outfits doing this dance why drummers played. Howard said it was a really great workout and it only cost $12 to get in.

Howard promoted Dave Chappelle's appearance in the Toyota Comedy Festival on June 6th. Howard asked him if he's got any new material on Robert Blake. Dave said he doesn't do jokes about celebrities because he always feels bad for them. Howard spent a minute wondering about Blake's problems and how we'll owe him a big apology if he really didn't kill his wife like so many people think he did.

Chaunce Hayden sent in a tape of an interview he did with the real Gene Simmons. Howard played some of it and Craig Gass' impression isn't that far off of the wacky stuff that the real Gene talks about. Gene was telling Chaunce that KISS has cartoons, a Broadway show, a magazine and many other things in the works. The interview was done about 3 years ago and none of the stuff Gene said they had in the works ever made it. Of course Craig was there doing his ''Gene Simmons'' the whole time making it funnier than it actually was. Howard found out that the interview is an hour long but he doesn't have the whole thing. Chaunce suggested that they ask Craig the same questions, get his answers as ''Gene'' and then play the real Gene answering them to see how close they are. Craig said he'd even put on the KISS makeup to do the bit tomorrow.

Howard had Craig do a bunch of his impressions to remind everyone who he is. Craig did Sam Kinison, Al Pacino's baby, Christopher Walken and even a Dave Chappelle doing a white guy impression. Craig even tried out his Gary Dell'Abate impression but it wasn't quite ready yet. It was close though.

Howard said that he saw some helium balloons being released in the city over the weekend and he wondered just how high they go. He said he feels really stupid for not knowing the answer to that. Everyone in the studio discussed it for a couple of minutes but no one knew the real answer. A weatherman called in a short time later with an explanation... That didn't make any sense. The guy turned out to be a meteorologist from the military. He told Howard that weather balloons go up to 100,000 feet or so but he had no idea how high a kid's helium balloon would go. Howard then tried to find out how high outer space is and the guy had no clue. The guy said that ''outer space'' is undefined and he didn't have an answer for Howard. Howard spent a few minutes goofing on the guy because there's no way he could be a meteorologist.

Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of Kathie Lee Gifford talking to Conan O'Brien about partying, drinking and not wearing a bra. Howard said it was just boring though. Howard thanked him for playing all of this boring crap on his show and hung up on him.

Howard played a song that newswoman Deborah Norville has just put out called ''Gonna Keep On Movin''. She has the same voice synthesizer as Cher had on her voice a few years ago. Howard goofed on that for a couple of minutes too.

Former Motley Crue Drummer Tommy Lee Calls In. 5/21/01. 8:50am
Former Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee called in this morning to promote the book ''The Dirt : Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band'' that he and the rest of the band put together. It comes out tomorrow.
Dave Chappelle was saying how he was impressed with the size of Tommy's penis in the home video that was released of Tommy and Pamela Anderson. Howard told Tommy that even a black guy is impressed with the size of his penis so he should be very happy with the size of it. Tommy sounded flattered.

Howard quickly got to the story of Tommy and Pamela Anderson recently getting back with each other. They were back together 12 days and then Pam and Kid Rock were seen having sex in a bathroom in Las Vegas together. Tommy found out about it and broke up with Pam once again. He said this was like the third strike for her so that's it. He said he doesn't see them getting together ever again. Tommy said that Kid Rock called him after it hit the papers and started saying how they're ''bros'' and stuff like that. Tommy said he just said ''Thanks for the call moron!'' and hung up on the guy. Howard told tommy he should get back at him by sleeping with his ex-girlfriend model James King. Tommy said he might give her a call.

Tommy says he's very single right now and he's banging a bunch of chicks and he's loving it. He said he was married for 11 years of his life and being single is s great. He said he has a regular rotation of chicks now and none of them are famous. He said his next future ex-wife will be someone nobody knows.

Tommy asked Howard about his girlfriend, who is basically unknown, and tried to have Howard hook him up with someone. He said he just wants some regular chick who's fun and hot looking. Howard said he'd never introduce his girlfriend to Tommy because he'd steal her right away from him.

Howard told Tommy how he took Pamela to Scores one time and ended up cutting off her dress. He told Tommy he was really hitting on Pam after she'd broken up with him. Tommy jokingly said ''you suck!'' to Howard.

Robin was very curious to find out how many times a day Tommy can have sex. Tommy eventually said he can do it 3 or 4 times a day. He's almost 38 and Howard thought that was hard to believe. Howard says he can do it at least once a day.

Howard said he's read some excerpts from the new book that Tommy and the band have put out, ''The Dirt : Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band'', and it's a really great read. He said there are some cool stories about banging chicks and stuff like that in there. Tommy said he heard it's going to hit the best seller list at number one when it's released tomorrow.

Tommy said he still sees Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue and their kids actually go to the same school. He said it's kind of weird for them to show up at the school and watch their kids walk up the stairs into the school.

Tommy said that Pam did call him recently crying and asking to get back with him but he told her to go call Kid Rock.

''Gene Simmons'' chimed in and told Tommy that he'd let Tommy and the band into a KISS show for a reduced rate of $55 a pop. Tommy said ''Gene'' really sounded like Gene. ''Gene'' once again said that Motley Crue ripped off KISS to get where they were. Speaking of bands, Tommy said he's working on a new Methods of Mayhem album which should be out in September or October of this year. He'll be in the studio to play live when that comes out. Howard told Tommy they'll go to Scores when he comes to town. Tommy said Howard can cut HIS dress off this time.

Jon Bon Jovi Shows Up. 5/21/01. 9:15am
Jon Bon Jovi showed up right after the Tommy Lee phone call. He wasn't going to come in today but he got there a little earlier than he thought he would. He and the band are out promoting their ''One Wild Night'' CD which is a compilation of various songs from 1985 to their most current tour.
Howard and Jon talked a little bit about Tommy and how great of a drummer he is. Years ago Jon and the band had some bad feelings toward Motley Crue but that's over with now. Jon said he saw the Tommy Lee, Pamela Anderson tape on 'spankavison' in a hotel somewhere and Tommy is a ''man among men'' with that big penis of his.

Howard tried to talk to Jon about all of the chicks he's done over the years but Jon kept his mouth shut. Howard said Jon had fun on the road before he got married to Dorothea but Jon wasn't talking. Howard mentioned how Tommy Lee and Motley Crue talk about double teaming chicks but Jon wouldn't exactly admit to doing that himself.

Howard then spent a couple of minutes talking about his weekend disguise that didn't work over the weekend. He took his kid to the zoo and tried to hide his identity. He greased his hair back and put on a baseball cap and big sunglasses. He said no one bothered him at the zoo but as he was walking home someone yelled out ''Hey Howard!'' It turned out to be Jon. Jon said that there's no other 6'7'' tall, 135 pound guy walking around Manhattan. Howard said he later went to an ice cream store and a guy in there recognized him too. Someone said that people probably just knew that Howard didn't want to be bothered since he was wearing the disguise.

Jon told Howard that Bon Jovi is out touring right now and he's got a movie coming out later this year in which he plays a vampire hunter.

''Gene Simmons'' came up again and said that they influenced Bon Jovi. He said Bon Jovi played it smart and added a fifth member so it wouldn't look like an exact rip off of KISS. ''Gene'' also said that Jon was in a great movie called ''U-571'' about a submarine and he's going to follow in his footsteps... He's going to be at a Subway sandwich shop later today. Craig Gass (doing the Gene Simmons impression) was cracking himself up with these jokes.

Howard plugged this new album ''One Wild Night'' and at the end of the interview played a little bit of ''Wanted Dead or Alive''.