Ryan Cosmonaught - Hilariously Bad Pop

Team 1984 presents...



Ryan Cosmonaught

Self-titled

2005



Song Title

1. Do You Love Me

2. Ninth Moon

3. She Tell Her Self

4. Rock Star

5. Movie

6. I Can't Believe

7. She Makes Me Feel

8. Dreams Crashing Down

9. She A Girl

10. You Touched Me





Review from Aversiononline.com

Ryan Cosmonaught "s/t" CD

[RPM]

What in the name of all things terrible is this fucking shit?

Jesus, this is awful.

I have three questions:

1. Why was this recorded?,

2. Why the fuck did any label release this?, and

3. Why in the name of hell did you send this to me to review?



No one could've possibly thought I would like this, right?

Seriously. Come on. This is a joke.

It's basically a solo project from Ryan Cosmonaught

of Space King on vocals and guitar with help from

another member on drum machines and such, with Jon Oliva (Savatage) and Chains (The Genitorturers/Crumbsuckers) helping out on a few tracks.



Why in the hell those guys would've wanted to be credited

on this thing is beyond me, though.

The first track, "Do You Love Me", is a semi acoustic pop piece of shit;

"Ninth Moon" follows sounding like a poppier poor man's Nirvana

or something (complete with keyboard string arrangements and weak lead melodies);

then there are some pseudo dark acoustic-y ballad type things,

including "She Makes Me Feel", which sounds like some

shitty R.E.M. meets cock rock throwaway ballad;

"She a Girl"

(What? "She a Girl"? No "is", "was", "likes", "hates", or any other verb?)

is a straightforward pop song with a slow tempo,

keyboard handclaps and "baby" lyrics and all that shit...

I'm stunned, simply stunned. This is an absolutely awful CD.



I'm floored by how bad this is. I mean, the recording is pretty decent,

shockingly enough, definitely raw and demo-ish, but good.

And the songwriting, I suppose, is competent.

But holy crap, these songs are fucking retarded.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not Mr. Extreme Brutality over here.

Throw on some Blink 182 or some silly radio emo,

if it's a catchy song I'll dig it, I don't care.

But this shit is embarrassing.

Painful.

Fuck,



I don't even know how to describe the sheer amazement

that the lameness of these songs brings to me. The layout sucks, too.

Inexcusably so. I actually like some of the layering of imagery

on the front cover, but other than that the layout on this thing is atrocious.

It's a semi professional CD-R with a good level of print quality,

but the layout is just a mess.

It's totally inconsistent as far as color scheme and typefaces,

there are logos slapped all over the place,

the live "snapshots" are weak as hell,

the credits are written in such poor phrasing that they make little sense...

it's just a huge rush job that comes off as totally lacking in attentiveness.



But then, this entire CD is just garbage, so fuck it, who cares?

Give this guy a million bucks, studio musicians,

a hotshot producer, and maybe he'd churn out a hit or two

as a ghostwriter for some goofy Matchbox 20 band or some shit.



But this is one of the worst things I've ever had to review.

I should've done this guy a favor and pretended this never came in the mail.

Oh well, too late now.

(0/10)



Running time - 39:45,

Tracks: 10



[Notable tracks: each and every one is totally awful, I can't take it]

RPM Recordings - http://www.rpm-recordings.com






Ripped by Big Brother

First posted on www.thepiratebay.org



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