Rifftrax - Future Force & Future Zone

You’re casting the lead in an action movie. No, we don’t care if you’re reading this on the can, we’re making this decision now. Well, we just picked you OK? Look, we know you’re still on the other side of the stall door, we can hear you breathing.

Anyways, what qualities do you want in your lead action hero? I’m sorry, “Leave me alone” is not a quality. We’ll just answer for you. Big muscles? An iron jaw? Penchant for clever quips before snapping a villain’s neck? Dirty t-shirt whose bulge reveals a substantial paunch? Hm, kind of went off the rails with the last one there, but that’s OK, it’s actually what we were looking for!

David Carradine in Future Force is what you’d get if Arnold substituted creatine with frosting, Stallone started cutting his own hair and Seagal...Well, Seagal wouldn’t have to change much actually. As John Tucker, he’s the only member of the C.O.P.S. (Civilian Operated Police Incorporated) (That’s not a joke) who’s interested in standing up to corruption.

Fortunately, he’s got an incredible weapon at his disposal: his robotic remote-controlled glove, which can fire deadly lasers and fly and bears a hilarious resemblance to the Nintendo Power Glove. Something this powerful comes with great responsibility, so fortunately Carradine leaves it in his Jeep’s trunk most of the time and uses a standard pistol instead.

Aside from video phones in cars, the dystopian future of 1991 is not noticeably different from actual 1991, though we did notice a distinct lack of Color Me Badd music. So perhaps there isn’t much to complain about. Grab a warm can of High Life, slap on some Gold Bond Medicated Powder and get ready to watch David Carradine try not to pull a groin muscle while he’s kicking some butt in Future Force.

From the producers of the MST3K classic Space Mutiny!

http://www.rifftrax.com/future-force

When we last left him, things were looking up for John Tucker. He had landed a babe way out of his league. That geeky kid who was always bothering him had been gunned down. He owned the world’s most powerful glove, which he occasionally admired as it sat in a box in the back of his dirty Jeep.

But Tucker’s world is about to come crashing down when a mysterious visitor shows up at COP headquarters. (Unable to decide whether the acronym was COPI or COPS, the creative team* behind Future Zone just dropped the fourth letter altogether. Also, they may have moved from LA to Mobile, Alabama. The movie is very unclear about this. Oh, and the main bad guys in this one were in Future Force, but we’re pretty sure they are playing different characters here. Lest these changes scare off the potential sequel viewer, do not fear: Carradine’s beer belly remains very much intact.)

Anyways, the mysterious visitor shows up. He’s wearing a mesh shirt and seems to know a little too much about John Tucker. Who is this mystery man and where did he come from? This is a question you will ponder for exactly four milliseconds before you, like every other non-brain damaged person, quickly realize “That is obviously his son from the future.”

How did he travel back in time? “My friends built a time portal,” he casually mentions, never to address it again. Yeah. It’s that kind of movie.

But the family affair doesn’t just stop there! In a delightful twist, Carradine’s real life wife plays his onscreen wife. The chemistry between Carradine and the woman who sold him out to the media after his death with quotes like “He had his kinky moments” and “He would go to a hardware store and buy the stuff” really is the emotional heart of Future Zone.

Mike, Kevin and Bill splashed a fresh coat of mud onto their Chevy Blazer and make sure any and all gloves are firmly secured in an out of the way box as they hop on the highway to the Future Zone!

*hahahahahahahahahahaha

http://www.rifftrax.com/future-zone
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