Family Guy - Season 03
Series: Family Guy
DVD release: September 9, 2003
Network: Fox
No. of episodes: 22
Source: DVD
Video format: .avi
Audio format: MPEG Layer-3
Bit rate: 132kbps
Width: 512
Height: 384
S03E01 - The Thin White Line
Peter wins the Griffin family a cruise after becoming the victor of a company competition. Shortly before the family prepares to leave, Joe recognizes the strength of Brian's nose and offers him a job as a police dog to find drugs. At an airport, Brian uncovers a bystander carrying cocaine; however, he accidentally inhales it The next morning, Brian has an emotional breakdown after the family has an intervention with his psychiatrist. The family compromises on sending him to rehab with their vacation money. Peter joins Brian since he now can't go on vacation, and the two cause unrest among the surrounding patients by causing premature births in pregnant teens. After the two are caught, Peter is accused of being Brian's "x-factor"; however, Brian manages to defend him and decides to leave the center. The Griffins throw a party to celebrate Brian's return home; however, the family is shocked when he announces that he is leaving Quahog to Los Angeles to continue the search for the thrill of his life.
Guest stars: Carlos Alazraqui, Thomas Dekker, June Foray, Leif Garrett, Haley Joel Osment, Nicole Sullivan, and Wally Wingert.
S03E02 - Brian Does Hollywood
Brian moves to Los Angeles with his cousin Jasper after his drug rehabiliation and inadvertently becomes a film director. The family decides to visit Brian for support in his new career; however, when it turns out Brian is directing pornography, he attempts to keep it a secret from the family. Meanwhile, Stewie auditions for Kids Say the Darndest Things in order to unleash a mass hypnosis; however, during the show the following night, host Bill Cosby grabs Stewie's device and unwittingly foils his plan. Elsewhere, Brian is nominated for Best Director at the Woody Awards for adult films; Jasper informs the Griffin family about Brian's job and attend the awards, much to Brian's relief. By the end of the episode, he decides to return to Quahog with his family.
Guest stars: Gary Cole, Louise DuArt, Olivia Hack, Jenna Jameson, Ron Jeremy, and Ray Liotta.
S03E03 - Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington
The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is purchased by a tobacco conglomerate. Lois develops concern for Peter and believes the company is promoting underage smoking; Peter attempts to confront management, but is distractingly appointed president in the process; the family is pampered and treated elegantly as a result. At a meeting, the company decides to send Peter to Washington, D.C. in order to prevent a new anti-smoking bill from being passed into Congress. is to send someone just as dumb, and they decide to send Peter. At home, Lois catches Stewie smoking and attempts to take the family to the meeting in Washington; although Peter prepares to deliver his speech on the floors of Congress assembled, he spots Stewie coughing from smoking and tells Congress to reject El Dorado's proposal. When they agree, El Dorado is fined as a result, driving the company to bankruptcy.
Guest stars: Carlos Alazraqui, Gary Cole, Louise DuArt, Olivia Hack, Meredith Scott Lynn, Alyssa Milano, Brian Doyle-Murray, and Jack Sheldon.
S03E04 - One If by Clam, Two If by Sea
A hurricane demolishes the majority of the buildings in Quahog —except the Drunken Clam; however, the bar's owner leaves for Florida sells it to an Englishman named Nigel Pinchley, who turns it into a British stereotypical pub. Upset over the loss of their favorite bar and failing to find another one, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe storm a British ship in an attempt to recreate the Boston Tea Party with beer. The following night, the pub burns down; Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe are blamed and thrown in jail. In prison, one of the toughest criminals Joe ever jailed, Steve Bellows, plans to kill him and the others at midnight on Saturday. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to teach Nigel's daughter to speak "proper" English and overcome her "common" Cockney accent as part of a bet with Brian; although he manages to teach her how to speak "properly", at the party, she urinates in front of everybody, slipping back to her Cockney accent and making Stewie lose the bet. Lois, Bonnie, and Loretta decide to investigate the bar's destruction, and discover that Nigel had withdrawn a large amount of insurance money the day before the pub burned down, they become suspicious. Lois seduces Nigel into confessing, and his insurance agent discovers the entire story. In jail, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe are rescued before Steve has a chance to kill them, and the Drunken Clam is reinstated to its normal form. In London, Nigel is hanged and Eliza is sent to an orphanage.
Guest stars: Ed Asner, Tara Charendoff, and Hugh Laurie.
S03E05 - And the Wiener Is...
Peter is intimidated by Chris' larger penis and then becomes very self-conscious about his own manhood, joining a gun club to make himself feel more masculine. Peter decides to take Chris on a hunting trip with his new gun, where the two are attacked by a bear; Chris manages to save both of them by making loud noises and jumping in front of the bear. Peter apologizes to Chris and realizes that being a man is about bravery and not size. Meanwhile, Meg tries out for cheerleading but is accepted into the flag girl squad instead, where she is pelted with rancid meat by several of the more popular children in her school. The next day, Lois instructs Meg to make friends with Connie D'Amico and prank her whenever the time his right. However, the plan fails when the popular kids trick Meg at Connie's sixteenth birthday, where they trick her into kissing pig she thought was a popular boy. However, Lois and Meg have the last laugh when the former sends Quagmire to molest the teenagers.
Guest stars: Patrick Duffy, Rachael MacFarlane, Tara Strong, Lisa Wilhoit, and Debra Wilson.
S03E06 - Death Lives
On their wedding anniversary, Peter sends Lois all over Quahog on a scavenger hunt so he can go play golf. But when Peter gets struck by lightning and has a near-death experience, he meets Death again, who explains to Peter his marriage is in trouble if he doesn't have a revelation, and fast.
S03E07 - Lethal Weapons
Lois takes taijutsu lessons to fight back against the leafers (New York tourists) overtaking the town, but worries that her violence may be a bad influence on her family. When anger management only makes everyone even more angry, they engage in an all-out brawl to get it out of their system.
S03E08 - The Kiss Seen Around the World
Meg applies for an internship at Quahog 5 (due to her crush on news anchor Tom Tucker), but so does the annoying Neil. When she is reluctantly driven to kiss Neil, he broadcasts the word of their "love" on the news. Meanwhile, a bully learns not to mess with Stewie when he steals his new tricycle.
S03E09 - Mr. Saturday Knight
Peter's boss, Mr. Weed, dies during a dinner with the Griffin family, and the toy factory is demolished as a result. Now unemployed, and failing to find himself other jobs, Peter decides to live his dream of being a Renaissance fair jouster, where he must defend his family's honor from his former idol.
S03E10 - A Fish Out of Water
After nearly two weeks of unemployment, Peter decides to begin a new career as a fisherman, but faces problems when he has to pay off a boat loan, so he tries to catch the bounty for a legendary fish. Meanwhile, Lois takes Meg to the beach for spring break, but Lois ends up having more fun than Meg.
S03E11 - Emission Impossible
After delivering Lois' sister's newborn child, Lois and Peter decide to have another baby, prompting Stewie to do whatever he can to stop it, even if it means shrinking himself and wiping out every sperm in Peter's testicles. However, when he meets a sperm just like himself, Stewie begins to reconsider.
S03E12 - To Love and Die in Dixie
The family moves to the deep South when a criminal threatens to kill Chris for witnessing his crime. There Chris befriends a kid named Sam, whom he is forbidden to see by Sam's father when Peter questions the accuracy of a Civil War reenactment. But there seems to be more to Sam than meets the eye...
S03E13 - Screwed the Pooch
The family visits Lois' parents, the Pewterschmidts, where Brian takes out all of his pent-up sexual energy on the Pewterschmidts' prize-winning racing greyhound, Sea Breeze. A custody battle then ensues when Sea Breeze is revealed to be pregnant, and Brian is threatened to be neutered.
S03E14 - Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?
While teaching Chris about his Irish heritage, Peter discovers that he has a black ancestor. When this affects his social status and he finds out that his ancestor was a slave to Lois' family, Peter fights back. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to learn mind control from the school cheerleaders.
S03E15 - Ready, Willing, and Disabled
Joe feels discouraged after failing to catch a thief during a chase, so Peter tries to get his self-confidence back by entering him in a handicapped people's decathlon, but with Joe still helpless, he rigs his drinks with steroids. Meanwhile, Chris, Meg and Stewie fight over $26 in a money clip.
S03E16 - A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas
It's Christmas time in Quahog, a time when Lois' plans for a perfect holiday blow up in her face, causing her to break down and go berserk. Stewie uses his role as the baby Jesus in the town play to be good for Santa Claus, about whom he has become paranoid, and to bring Lois back to Earth.
S03E17 - Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows
Brian gets a DUI and is forced to care for a bitter, old woman who used to be a jingle singer. After discovering the woman's operatic talent, Brian tries to brighten her life. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard and discovers that a family of rare swallows have housed themselves in it.
S03E18 - From Method to Madness
Stewie signs up for an acting class, where he's paired up with a stuck-up child star named Olivia. They become a hit, though the fame quickly sets in and they soon start bickering. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois object to Meg dating a nudist, though later have second thoughts after seeing her upset.
S03E19 - Stuck Together, Torn Apart
Peter and Lois are advised to go through a trial separation after Peter becomes jealous over Lois reuniting with an old boyfriend, and he hooks up with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian get stuck together after Stewie plays around with industrial-strength glue.
S03E20 - Road to Europe
Stewie becomes obsessed with a British kids' show and runs away to be part of the cast, and Brian gives chase in an attempt to bring him back. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois go to see a Kiss concert, where Lois reveals she knows nothing about the band, much to Peter's humiliation.
S03E21 - Family Guy Viewer Mail #1
Brian and Stewie host a special episode of Family Guy, featuring three non-canon stories created from viewer requests.
No Bones About It - A genie comes to Peter to grant him wishes; his last wish makes it so that he has no bones and must deal with life as a lump of lard.
Supergriffins - The Griffins are exposed to nuclear waste and gain superpowers, which lead them to terrorize the city.
Li'l Griffins - Tot-like versions of Peter and Quagmire try to out-brave each other in a haunted house to impress Lois in this Little Rascals parody.
S03E22 - When You Wish Upon a Weinstein
Peter prays for a Jewish person to help him with his money woes. After befriending a Jewish accountant, Max Weinstein, and discovering the wonders of their religion, Peter gets the idea of converting Chris to Judaism as soon as possible so he'll be successful in life, but Lois tries to stop him.
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