Classic The Howard Stern Show May 4th 2001

-- Friday May 4, 2001 --
Scores Party Discussion. 5/4/01. 6:05am
Howard said they had their Scores party yesterday after the show. He said he definitely thinks that Cabbie is gay. He said Cabbie wasn't in the main room with the girls, he was walking around other places for some reason. Gary told him that Cabbie might have been freaking out because he couldn't drink. He's been sober for a short time now and when he saw Gary drinking his eyes lit up and he ended up leaving early.
Angry Black was there and he was acting wild according to everyone. Rodney Lee Conover, who has been sitting in Jackie's chair this week, was there and he got pretty wild at the place too. Rodney said he walked in this dark room where everyone was hanging out and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. He thought he saw everyone getting naked in there so he started to strip down himself. Then the lights came on and he saw that no one was naked. He was almost there himself though. One of the strippers yelled out ''Ewww... Naked guy!'' Gary said he later saw Rodney Lee with a stripper's foot in his mouth. Rodney Lee said she asked him to do that so he did it. It turns out it was in the main room, not in one of the back rooms, so Howard told him he might not want to do that out there. Rodney Lee said that's the only place he could actually see anything.

Howard said KC has to be gay too. Howard said that some Asian chick was really into KC and she was all over him there but KC ended up leaving when Howard told him they should take her and another chick into the back room. KC said he had things to do but Howard knows he didn't. KC said that his apartment was underwater. Gary told him that it wasn't anymore under water at 3 o'clock than it was at noon.

Howard said that there were 3 guys who were definitely not gay. Angry Black, Vinnie Favale and Gary's friend Ross. They all made an impression on Howard.

Howard was in the bathroom at Scores and he said the bathroom attendant is really good. He's got all different types of candy and he has solutions for all kinds of crap. Howard found that he had a lot of glitter all over him and he asked the guy what he should do. The guy pulled out some baby wipes and Howard was able to clean up. Mike Gange told Howard that the guy even has coffee beans to rub on yourself to get the ''Scores smell'' off of you. Howard ended up asking the guy if any of his guests had taken a dump in the bathroom. Last time they were there Benjy did that and stunk up the whole place. The attendant told Howard that Ralph had taken a dump. Howard was a little upset about it because he's told people not to do that kind of crap when they go there.

Stuttering John wanted to know why Benjy was allowed to go after Howard said he couldn't. Howard said he decided that they shouldn't exclude him just because he's a tool. Gary said that Benjy was hovering over him too much while they were there. Gary also explained how weird the chick-picking process is. He said they're all in a big, empty room and Lonnie brings in all of the chicks. Then the guys have to go over and pick women to dance for them. He said it's like a high school dance.

Howard said Attorney Dominic Barbara begged to be invited to Scores but he never showed up. Howard says he's never inviting him to anything ever again. He's too weird that way. Howard said Dominic told him he spoke to Jackie and he wondered if Howard would take him back at the amount he was offered before he left. Howard told Dominic ''No'' and he doesn't even think Dominic talked to Jackie about coming back. Dominic said that Jackie is family but Howard doesn't think that family would walk out on the show. Howard says he told Jackie not to walk because it would give him time to think. Now he's thought about it and he doesn't want the Joke Man to come back. ''The dance is over'' Howard said. Jackie's not coming back.

Ronnie the Limo Driver said that stripper Lanie was dancing for Benjy and she got so wasted that she passed out. Ronnie thinks that the girls are so disgusted by Benjy that they have to drink just to get through it.

Angry Black called in and said he had a lot of fun there. He said at one point he had to open a door to look in his wallet and he saw an ATM card and a pass key laying on the ground. He picked it up and looked at it later and found it was Rodney Lee Conover's. Rodney Lee lost it when he took off his clothes.

Howard told a story about his buddy Richie Notar who had 6 Scores chicks with him at a restaurant. One of the girls knew Miss October from Playboy. They invited her down and Richie hung out with all of them at this restaurant. Howard went down and hung out with Richie for a little while. Howard said Richie thought he'd be able to get Miss October but he doesn't think it actually happened. Richie called in a little later and said all he got were phone numbers from Scores girls.

''Survivor'' Discussion. 5/4/01. 7:15am
Howard spent a little while discussing last night's final ''Survivor'' episode and how wacky all of the players were. Howard said Colby is a tool and Tina played him really well to pull out the win. Howard also said that Bryant Gumbel is the worst interviewer. He said any delusions he's had of being a good journalist should have gone right out the window after last night's special. Howard explained how Bryant just sucked when he was interviewing the cast of the show. He didn't dig into any of their answers and it was just boring.
Howard said Jeff Probst's entrance to the show was goofy also. He said Jeff must be trying to make a career out of this show because he didn't even come on Howard's show this season. He's become too big to do the show.

Howard goofed on Marilyn ''Mad Dog'' because she was blowing the digery doo and she looked like a man from behind.

KC came in and said he didn't like the shot of Colby's ''sack'' that he saw. Howard said no one else saw that shot so he's got to be gay if he's looking for Colby's sack.

Howard also made a good point about this guy Nick. He's apparently a Harvard grad but he used the word ''conversated'' more than once. It's not a word Nick! Howard can't imagine that he's actually a Harvard grad after hearing that.

Howard was also saying that they have to be lying about not being sexually attracted to anyone in the game. Howard said if he gets a little bit of sun on his sack he gets aroused. He said that Amber is almost a model and there's no way no one was attracted to her while they were there.

Howard said he's amazed by Tina's face lift. He also said that she looked better when she was on the show than she did on the live special last night. He said she had way too much makeup on and she just looked horrible.

Howard had some tape to play of Colby trying to talk about why he kept Tina in the game but it made no sense at all. Most of the things everyone said didn't make any sense at all.

Howard said they're thinking of doing a celebrity ''Survivor'' and it would include Frank Stallone, Kate Hudson, Kobe Bryant and possibly William Shatner. Howard said he'd do it if they paid him enough. He said he'd be chasing Kate Hudson around the whole time trying to get laid.

Howard played tape of Richard Hatch, the last winner of ''Survivor'', talking about who he thought would win. He predicted that Colby and Tina would be in the final four if not the winners about a month ago. Howard said he's like the ''Gay Einstein'' because he had Colby, Tina, Keith and either Amber or Elisabeth as the final four. He was right on.

Howard said that Jerri's ''gummy smile'' really turns him off. Once again, he said that she looked better in the game than she did last night. Melrose Larry Green called in and played a short clip of Colby being interviewed on some show last night. Howard said he's really aggravated that Colby didn't play the game to win. If he'd just voted Tina off and kept Keith, he would have won the money. Then Colby goes on these shows and talks about how he can sleep at night knowing that Tina won. Howard sounded like he was really pissed that the guy didn't vote the other way. Howard thinks that Colby didn't realize that he'd lost at first. When he yelled out when it was announced that Tina won, he screamed ''YEAH!'' Howard thinks that the guy is just a ''total loser''. Howard talked about how weird his relationship with his mother is and how Colby got suckered by Tina who was a mother-like figure to him on the show.

Howard said Elisabeth was really cute on the show last night. He liked the shoes and her hair... He said ''Anal.. She'd just suffer...'' He told Robin that it's a guy thing liking the hair and shoes.

Time For Pictures. 5/4/01. 8:25am
The other day Howard said he had to go see his divorce lawyer for some reason. When he went up the lawyer asked him to take a picture with him. After he did it the lawyer showed Howard his wall of fame where he has famous people who have gotten divorced through him. Howard said he thought about it after and thought he probably shouldn't have taken the picture. He talked about it on the air and today it's in the newspaper that he doesn't want the picture there and they give the lawyers name and all. That's not what he's upset about though. He said they keep using the same awful picture of him where all you see are his nostrils and the roof of his mouth. He finally found out who the photo editor is over at the NY Post and now he's going to sick a photographer on her. He wants some really bad pictures of her to post on his web site. Howard says her name is Gretchen.
Howard was worried that it might be against the law to do that but Dominic called in and said it's not illegal to do that. A short time later photographer Dan called in and said that he's spoken to this woman Gretchen at the NY Post about getting pictures of Howard and all they ever want are bad ones. Dan said that he'll go after this woman himself and he'll take the pictures for free. Stuttering John said Dan is the right guy for the job because he's scum. I don't think Howard knows that it's Dan Wagner who wrote the book ''Getting To Howard''. Howard later said he thought about it and he can't sick a paparazzi on this woman because he'd look like a dick. He shouldn't even care that they put awful pictures in the paper.

The Gossip Game With Special Guest Jesus. 5/4/01. 9:00am
This guy Gregory Gordon thinks he's Jesus. He was once arrested in Ronald Reagan's house after he broke in to kill the guy. He thinks that Reagan is the antichrist or something and he wanted to kill him. Today he came in to promote an HBO special in which he appears. The special called ''Bellvue'' will air Sunday on HBO. It's all about mental patients of course and he's featured. Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to talk to Jesus but he had to get to the Mike Walker Gossip Game.
Mike was on the phone and he was talking about the host of ''Weakest Link''. He said something that wasn't all that funny but Jesus broke out in laughter like he'd just heard the funniest thing ever. It was very strange. Howard finally moved on to the game. Here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. You can win money there also. Here are this week's stories:

Woody Harrelson, who promotes all kinds of hemp products, is now bringing out a ''hemp milk'' to be available in L.A. Supermarkets in the near future.
While at a Lakers game David Spade's face flashed up on the jumbotron. There were cheers afterward so David thought it was for him. He went to stand up but someone told him the applause was for a woman sitting behind him who flashed her breasts on the jumbotron.
Cindy Crawford tried to get on the floor of a Lakers game but she was kept out by a security guard. The guard was told who she was but he said he didn't care who she was, she didn't have a floor pass.
In a Campbell's soup poll it was found that people would most like to have a bowl of soup with Jennifer Lopez.
Jesus, Howard, Gary and Rodney Lee Conover went with number 3 as the false story. Robin and Fred went with number 1. The actual false story was number four. No winners this week.
Howard tried to talk to Jesus for a few more minutes about the show he's featured on but he kept saying the f-word. KC told Howard that Jesus is going to try to run for Mayor of Washington D.C. That was another reason he came in today. Jesus said that he has smoked crack before so he's qualified.

Because the guy kept cursing over and over again Howard had to bring the whole thing to an end earlier than he'd planned. He said he likes this guy but he just kept cursing every other word so he had to get him out of the studio.