CLASSIC - The Howard Stern Show May 09 2001

-- Wednesday May 9, 2001 --
Various Stuff. 5/9/01. 6:05am
AJ Benza was sitting in this morning to tell his many stories. Howard said that AJ held a book party for his new book ''Fame Ain't It a Bitch : Confessions of a Reformed Gossip Columnist'' last night. Howard said everyone from the show was invited but he and Robin didn't go. AJ told Howard that people like Victoria Gotti, George Hamilton and Chuck Zito went to the party. AJ asked Howard was the problem was with he and Chuck Zito. Howard said there is no problem there. He said he people just get angry when Chuck is on and he doesn't need the hassle. He was referring to the Hell's Angels that got pissed the last time Chuck was on.
AJ said that Lonnie from Scores came to the party. AJ went to Scores after his party with news anchor Victoria Gomez who he says is really beautiful. He said that one of the Scores girls wanted to fight him for Victoria. AJ said that he told Victoria he'd date her and she doesn't believe he'd be serious about it because of how many women he dates. AJ says he's serious but other people have told Victoria that he's ''sleazy''. Howard wants to see this chick.

Howard said you can register to win $1 Million on the show by going to GoldenPalace.com. They'll be giving away the money sometime in the near future.

Howard said he got a hold of a magazine called ''Bizarre'' from England and it's kind of like FHM or Maxim where they have half naked hot chicks and cool articles. The article that got Howard's attention was about the Japanese and how they hold fights between retarded people. Howard said the magazine has pictures of the fights and it's really disturbing. Howard said the Japanese are out of control.

This guy Dave who always calls in and calls Howard Pinocchio challenged Howard to another competition this morning. Howard had him on one other time and he beat the guy in a good looks contest. Howard told the guy to drop dead and hung up on him after he challenged him again.

Melrose Larry Green called in and told Howard he loves when AJ is on the show. Howard said that all of these guys who have been replacing Jackie for the past couple of months are better than Jackie. Howard said he was talking to Craig Gass and Craig tells him now that he's been on the show he's selling out all over the place when he appears at a club. Howard said that's what Jackie didn't realize. He got all kinds of gigs from just being on the show and now he's given all of that up. Robin said she still thinks Jackie will eventually return to the show. She thinks that he's still in negotiations even though Howard keeps saying he's not. Howard says there's no way he's returning to the show now.

Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard he wants Jackie back on the show. Howard told him that it's not happening. Dominic said he called Jackie and spoke to him for a long time and Jackie knows he made a mistake. Dominic told Howard that Jackie is family and he should be back on the show. Howard told Dominic to go back to his ex-wife's family if that's the way it's supposed to be. Howard said he has such freedom now that Jackie's not threatening him with walking off the show and crap like that. Howard said Jackie walked out on the show, again, after many years and it's over.

Dominic was trying to get Marcia Clark on the show to promote ''Power of Attorney'' but Howard told him he can't just book the show. Marcia ended up calling in so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about the Robert Blake story. Marcia thinks that Blake probably committed the crime himself after hearing the details that have been released so far. She said they tested Blake for gun powder on his hands but she said it's very easy to wash off so that might be why they didn't find anything.

Howard also played tape of Blake being interviewed on his show years ago. After listening to the very strange Robert Blake almost walking off the show Howard said the guy really was scary back then.

Don King Tries To Give Away A Million Bucks. 5/9/01. 7:35am
Fight promoter Don King and boxer Bernard Hopkins came in this morning to give a fan a chance to win a million bucks. Howard said they had a giant picture of Don King set up with 12 holes in it. The contestant has the chance to punch out 3 of the 12 holes that are on the picture. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Don and Bernard before getting to the game though. King was in to promote this week's Trinidad/Jofee fight that happens on Saturday night. It'll be on Pay-Per-View so call your cable operator to get it.
Beetlejuice, dressed as Don King, also came in this morning. Beetle-King came in and Don King thought it was pretty funny. He kept saying ''My Man'' and laughed at the tiny headed dwarf. Howard asked Beetle-King a couple of questions about boxing and eventually moved on to the game.

This guy Robert Gadson somehow won the chance to punch Don King's picture. Howard spoke to him for a minute and then had him punch out his 3 holes. A minute later Gary said that the guy won some autographed boxing gloves, a watch and tickets to another fight that's coming up soon. Big let down there.

Howard quickly moved on and took a bunch of phone calls for Don and Bernard. A bunch of people called Don names and goofed on him but Don didn't care. Don just kept the promotion machine going. He just kept saying ''Call now!'' for people to get the pay-per-view event. Howard ended all of the fun around 8 o'clock before he got a headache from Don's yelling.

More Various Stuff. 5/9/01. 8:20am
Howard had some time to kill so he played tape of ''Survivor 2'' outcast ''Mad Dog'' Maralyn mentioning his name on Rosie O'Donnell's show. ''Mad Dog'' quickly mentioned that if she could ''survive'' the Howard Stern interview, she could survive anything. Rosie quickly gets off that subject and moves on. After playing the tape Howard said ''That show is everything that's wrong with television.''
Howard was talking about upcoming guests, including Mick Foley, Jackie Stallone and her psychic dogs and Donald Trump. AJ said that he hates Trump and he'll be around when he comes in. Howard thinks it'll make for a good show but AJ thinks Trump won't even show up because he's there.

Howard did a eulogy for the late Mrs. Robert Blake, Bonny Bakley. It wasn't serious of course but Howard said he's probably the only person who will do one for her. It was all about her criminal life and how she conned men for money and all of that good stuff. Howard later said that Ron Zimmerman actually wrote the eulogy.

Howard also replayed the song about Rodger ''Kentucky Joe'' Bingham that he played yesterday. Howard said he heard from a lot of people that they thought the song was funny, because it was so bad, not because it was actually funny.

Mickey Wants To Date Howard. 5/9/01. 8:40am
This woman Mickey called in yesterday and told Howard she wanted to go out with him. She said she looked kind of like Tiffani Thiessen so Howard said she could come down today. Gary told Howard that she had an agenda and she was going to plug a web site today so it was a let down for Howard. He though she actually liked him.
Mickey came in and told Howard that it wasn't her idea to plug a web site. Her roommate wanted to plug the site. She said she wasn't going to plug it at all. Her roommate is a guy so Howard figures it must be her boyfriend. She claims it's not though.

Mickey told Howard she was at the AC/DC concert last night hanging out with Crazy Cabbie. She said that Cabbie signed her ass with a marker and she wasn't able to wash it off this morning.

Howard figured Mickey was a stripper so he asked her about it. Mickey told Howard that she's a dancer at Lace in Wayne, New Jersey. She's 30 years old and Howard said she really does look like Tiffani Thiessen... but thinner. He said she's got a better body than Tiffani. One thing that annoyed Howard was the tongue piercings she had. Howard could hear the clicking of them while she was talking. Fred picked up on it and started clicking on his pen as Mickey was talking. Howard asked her why she'd do that to herself. Howard has heard it's good for oral so he asked AJ if that's true. AJ said he doesn't like that much metal near his pin. Robin said it looked like she had her kitchen sink in her mouth. Howard said it was like a Swiss Army Knife and asked her if she had a bottle opener in there.

Howard had Mickey take off some of her clothes so he could check out her body. Howard said her body was great and her breasts were nice too. He told her not to ever get implants because they were just right the way they were. KC was standing behind Mickey and he said she had a big ass. Both Howard and AJ said that it was a great ass. KC also noticed that she had some nasty back hair and he asked her if she bleaches it. Howard had her come over to him so he could see how bad it was. He saw it and said she looked like a wolf and that he'd have to shave her down before he bangs her.

Mickey claims that she's been with fewer than nine guys sexually. She said she likes chicks but she's never slept with one before. She said she doesn't even do oral on a guy if she's not dating him regularly. She told Howard she's very picky with her guys. Howard told her she should have come in 5 years ago since 25 is the age he dates. He said she looks great but 30 is a little old for him.

A phone caller told Howard that Mickey has a boyfriend but she kept denying it over and over again. She said she got laid last week but it's just a friend of hers that she can go to when she needs to get laid. Howard said he was going to hold on to this chick during the commercial break so he could get to know her better.

All In The Beetlejuice Family. 5/9/01. 9:20am
Howard quickly mentioned that Keith from ''Survivor 2'' was booked to do the show this week but they received word that he changed his mind and won't be coming on the show.
Howard wanted the audience to know a little more about Beetlejuice's behind the scenes life so he brought in some of Beet's ''family''. Sean, the guy who books Beetlejuice's appearances, came in along with this guy known as Drunken Jamie (DrunkenJamie.com). Sean is Beet's partner and he manages his money and all of the work they get.

Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Drunk Jamie about some of the notes he had on him. Jamie apparently broke a record in New Jersey for having the highest blood alcohol level ever. He blew a 3.4 when he was pulled over for DUI once. Jamie said that he was told if he'd had one more Heineken he'd probably be dead. Howard said Jamie was dead once when he crashed his car and was thrown from it doing 120 MPH. He was shocked back to life and choppered to a hospital. He's been through a lot of crap... and he's eaten some too. He recently ate some of High Pitch Erik's cat's shit to show his girlfriend that he likes cats.

Sean told Howard that Beetlejuice actually lives with him and his family. Sean has a wife and a 6 year old son. He said that Beet and his son actually play games together. Beetlejuice is also banging Sean's sister. Beet said he's got a kid with her but Sean said that's not true, he's just screwing the 18 year old.

Sean says some people think he and Beetlejuice are making a ton of money making appearances. He says they're really not. Sean claims they make about $2500 a week and they have to split that up. Sean used to sell cars for a living and he had to work 60 hours a week. Now he works 6 hours a week making appearances with Beetlejuice. He said a percentage of the money goes into savings for Beetle. Sean told Howard that Beetle uses some of his money to care for his mother too.

Sean found Beetle in a bar about 3 years ago. At the time he was doing dwarf tossing with this guy Frankie and he asked Beet if he wanted to do it. Beet agreed and the next day he brought him on Howard's show. Sean said that he calls Beetle by his real name, Lester, when he's hanging around him. He's got his own room at Sean's place and he can come and go as he pleases. Sean says he sometimes goes out and disappears for a few hours but he always manages to make it back to his place. Jamie said that he and Beet go out and double-team chicks together.

Sean said that Beetlejuice made about $50,000 when he shot the movie ''Bubble Boy'' and he's going to be shooting a porno in September. He was also in ''Scary Movie 2'' and he made about $2000 in that part. It was only a 2 minute scene so it wasn't a lot of money.

Sean said that Frankie the dwarf is no longer with them because he got jealous of Beetlejuice's fame. Sean said Beet actually fired Frankie himself. Beetle also fired some other guy they called Puppet. Howard asked him why he fired him. Beetlejuice said he fired him because he was Mexican. You can find out more about Beetlejuice at JollyDwarf.com